Somethin’ to feed da B.O.R.E.D.O.M

to go through something I absolutely detest just to get to fulfill another childhood dream…

absolutely love the masculinity, the power, the look…but at the same time fearing the possible hurt and pain that could be inflicted…

Time to conquer the fear and tame the raging demon…

sweaty, smelly, bruised, exhausted…and being continuously exposed to the sun’s merciless rays…is just the beginning…

but to feel that power..is worth everything…oh and throw in that extremely charming instructor…*swoon*…I will  walk through desert storms…okay…maybe that is a little too much..heh…maybe through really heavy rain…to feel this energised again…

getting use to sweating and smelling but gotta try to find a way of avoiding being too tanned though…and must remember to NOT go when the sun is at its hottest due to the frequency of the dizziness and fainting spells as it will remind me once again how weak I’ve become…gah!

not to mention the shock realisation at the fact that I am such a psychomotor moron…appalling…but then again I am not that good a cyclist to start with, being the last of the three to have discarded the training wheels…haha!

"clutch in, kick down to gear 1. throttle. half clutch.move off/release throttle.clutch in.kick up to gear 2.release clutch.throttle/release throttle.front n rear brake.clutch in,kick down to gear 1.complete stop.left leg down."

okay sound simple enough…just gotta remember which is which and make sure that everything is well-coordinated…

taaaadddaaaaa…surprise…surprise…

no wonder lil bratty sis told me to go on ahead first and she will join when/if I can get to Prac 2, telling me with that irritating overconfident tone of hers that she can definitely be on par even after the ‘headstart’ she’s giving me. *blueekk*. arrogant little chihuahua.

oh..and the second one will be ‘happy’ to know that a certain fireperson is also taking his lessons there…hahaha! that can be her motivation to start…wakakaka!

this will be a predicted long and painful journey but hopefully with the ‘extra perks’:P…its will be all gooooddd…even with the hated damn uneven tan I am getting

14th February 2008…

a reminder on how fragile and temporary life is…
how it can be so easily extinguished or unexpectedly altered…

L begged me to give up my decision to fulfill another childhood dream…but life is just too short to worry about death and how we die…

yeaps…the psychotic one is back…with a vengeance…*pausing to smell the roses*…healthier…stronger…and ready for battles of sorts…The wheel of life is a strange thing but I refused to be crushed by it…not just yet…defeat will only come when I am six feet under and still…

"I’ve been awake for a while now.
You’ve got me feeling like a child now
Cause everytime I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place"

Bedrest?
My royal arse…
I rather die than spend the weekend in bed
Stupid doctor.
Not to mention that just one day in bed and the whole house looked almost foreign to me.
I’ve been promoted from housemaid to personal slave
It’s good that the two monsters are still sleeping…at least I get to take a lil’ break before they start bellowing for food.

Actually, can’t believe that it’s the weekend again…Time flies so damn fast
oh no…i can hear movement…damn it’s time to get back to ‘work’
monsters.

hun…
I know that I not the easiest person to be with and yet time after time when I was ready to throw in the towel, you made me believe in us again. Love your strength and everything else about you….

Initial plans for the weekend? Rest. Rest. Rest.
BUT NOOOOOOO…
That didn’t happen…

Thanks to the baby sis’ brilliant fireman and the MEDIACORP’S SUBARU IMPREZA CHALLENGE.

Singapore’s
highly-celebrated survivor challenge returns with a twist! Jointly
organized by Motor Image Enterprises and MediaCorp Radio since 2002,
participants of this year’s challenge can look forward to pitting their
strengths in two camps – women versus men.

This year’s challenge revolves around the theme of Mars and Venus,
whereby one male and one female survivor will each walk away with a
Brand New Subaru Impreza 1.5R.
                                     
                              

Starting
from 7.00 am on Saturday, 3 November 2007 at Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza,
contestants will have to register on site personally. A lucky draw will
be conducted to determine their allocated palm position on the car. The
Challenge will start at 1pm sharp where the contestants will place
their palms on assigned cars.

In
response to the overwhelming support the challenge has received, the
number of qualifying contestants for 2007 will increase from 320 to
400, with 200 male and 200 female participants. Singaporeans can
definitely look forward to a much bigger and more exciting event this
November.

One of her fireman insisted that she took part in the above-mentioned competition held in blardy Orchard Road starting on Saturday.

Was supposed to follow her on Saturday morn at 6am but three people can’t fit on one bike so she went off first with D.
Surprised!!! She got through and demanded that me and Dila come down to the place immediately.   
Groggy and tired, we reached the place in the afternoon, an hour after the competition had started. Barely 10 min standing at the barricade laughing at her, I almost passed out from the heat and low sugar level. Thank god I was not the one in the competition. Would have set the record for the fastest eliminated participant.heh.
D had to leave for a while so we stayed and I had to stand in a blardy long queue to get a pass so that one of us could go in and see her during her 5min break at 7pm. Nearing the break and after looking at her face, I told D to go in so that I can escape her monstrous rage. (Alin with no food, no rest…sssscccaaaarryyy!) D couldn’t stay through the whole night so I volunteered to stay and give her the much needed moral support.
She lasted through the whole night and then her old knee injury forced her to retreat. By then it was already in the afternoon and the sun was blazing hot. As much as I hated the sun, I was there standing near her as much as I could without fainting and having the medical personnels attending to me instead. haha.
It was a fun experience.
I became 3 shades darker.
And she was so pissed off at having to go because she believed that she could have gotten the car if not for her knees. The heat was not a problem apparently:P
A part of me was already dreaming of taking a cool shower and my beloved bed.

BUT…

My parents decided to do a detour on the way back and go to the massage lady because Alin’s legs were horribly swollen.
We eventually reached home at 7pm and I hopped into the shower in record time but I only got to bed at 3am bcos my baby called, and then D came by to see how his darling was doing and I decided to give and go jogging.
Spent three hours at the park before I came back home, showered and passed out while doing some research for baby’s interview in Midvalley…

I am so damn tired right now. Body is aching and back is killing me.
And there are still some survivors at this moment at the Subaru Challenge. My hats to those who are still standing because it would be the third day in a couple of hours and those people have not slept, showered and hardly had anything to eat or drink since they started. I would have been hallucinating by now.

Off to bed now. Gonna be dreaming of Subaru Impreza and baby driving it…heh

One more try.One more chance. The bond and memories held us together once again. Love

My whole body is bloody aching
From the recurring fever
From the lack of rest
From trying to test the endurance and limitation
Of the physical self that has been damaged
By years of neglect and abuse. Gah!
Was half wishing that Mr Gan was there to shout
"COME ON DIANA!RUN!!!"
It was rather irritating then to have somebody constantly at your back yelling when you slack off.
But right now it would be so welcome.
Well at least I’m not the one whose NAPFA test is in three weeks.hehe.
My poor I-HATE-JOGGING/I’M AN AIRHEAD JUST TO FOOL YOU sister had demanded that I accompany her…at TWO-bloody-AM…to start training for her interview for a position in…the ARMY!?
Right.
One IS already a firefighter…and not the kind that sits in the office and do paperwork…a WOMAN in-charge of a group of MEN and leads the way when duty calls…
The most feminine out of the three (and it is definitely not me)who had applied to be a air-stewardess has instead gotten the interview for…the A.R.M.Y. Another male-dominated territory.
god…life is so weird sometimes…
And I wish her and sayang all the best for their upcoming interviews:)

Had spent the past few days in a dream-like state…

Singapore actually still has places left to be explored…oh my god!
Slowly readjusting to the place that I had left and suddenly everything was not as bad as it seems…

The walk down Orchard Road brought back a myriad of memories. And the love shared was so addictive. Through all the years…
The reminiscing, the familiarity that had not dissipated over the years gone…
The night breeze …and the adrenaline rush that had been so missed and yearned for..
And
Beneath the half moon lighting the dark sky
By the silent river that reflects the life that has become nothing but snapshots in the mind…
A rare moment shared between…
Somehow the feelings felt need not be put into words
Tranquility…
and we both forgot our realities as we journeyed back through the past
As we left…
"A flame that has been blown out can always be rekindled."

If only…

Slowly leaving the excess baggages that had been weighing down and learning to let go…feels like an impossible mission. sigh

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the worst thing that happened is a blessing in disguise…

An eventful week.
Thank you.

.

‘AKU TAK BODOH SEPERTI KEKASIHMU YANG LAIN. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH…’

Apa maknanya impian
Datang dan pergi
Membawa hati
Menyusuri kembali
Jalan-jalan sepi

Kau kah di situ
Yang menantiku
Atau jelmaan
Titik kenangan
Yang bernama pengalaman

Siapakah di antara kita
Dengan rela menjadi pendusta
Siapakah dulu membina harapan
Dan siapa yang memusnahkan impian
Tanpa sebab dan alasan
Kau mainkan perasaan
Bagai taufan tiba-tiba datang
Dan menghilang

Kau bayang-bayang
Masa nan silam
Ada ketika terbawa-bawa
Oleh resah mimpi yang tak sudah

"And at that point there was no pain. There was no sky. There was no rain fall. All there was was you and your sweet face. But life is life. And things will change. Like scenes upon an actor’s stage. Tomorrow comes today for all we know. So tell me baby why should I let you go? Give me twenty good reasons. Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu. Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku. Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku. Banyak kata yang tak mampu kuungkapkan kepada dirimu. Disetiap langkah yang meyakiniku kau tercipta untukku. Meski waktu akan mampu memanggil seluruh ragaku. Ku ingin kau tau kuslalu milikmu. Nobody wanna see us together but it don’t matter no ‘Cause I got you babe.’Cause we gonna fight. Oh yes we gonna fight. Believe we gonna fight.Fight for our right to love. Nobody wanna see us together. Nobody thought we’d last forever. I feel ‘em hopin’ and prayin’ things between us don’t get better. Selama mata terbuka sampai jantung tak berdetak. Selama itu pun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu.Darimu kutemukan hidupku. Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati. Bila yang tertulis untukku adalah yang terbaik untukmu kan kujadikan kau Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku. Namun takkan mudah bagiku meninggalkan jejak hidupku yang t’lah terukir abadi sebagai kenangan yang terindah. We were drawn from the weeds.We were brave like soldiers. Falling down under the pale moonlight. You were holding me like someone broken. And I couldn’t tell you, but I’m telling you now. Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart. Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down. Fall on me. Tell me everything you want me to be. Forever with you, forever in me. Ever the same. We would stand in the wind. We were free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. Now it’s cold and we’re scared. And we’ve both been shaken. Call on me I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me. Forever it’s you. Forever in me. Ever the same. You may need me there to carry all your weight. But you’re no burden I assure. You tide me over with a warmth I’ll not forget…"

Getting out…
of this manic depressive state
of being a psychotic biatch
of all the pent-up angst
of self-blaming nature

to smell the humidity in the air, fix the rose tinted glasses that had been smashed to over a zillion pieces, rectify what is possible and accept that self is only human with limitations…

After realising that the brain cells are decreasing slowly from the past few weeks of self-torture and hibernation…

Forced self to swallow personal fear to put on the jogging shoes and armed with the Ipod, marched down the stairs at almost quarter past midnight to go J.O.G.G.I.N.G in the park. Surprised my poor daddy who gave the disbelieving look when I walked out of the room in my baby sis’ shorts and told him that I wanted to go jogging. Managed to startled the poor ‘bangla’ at the 7th floor who was busy being lovey-dovey over the phone at the poorly lighted stairways on the way down…and then I took a deep breathe and started the inevitable…
The night jog seemed to have made self more rational in more ways than imagined…(well…despite the poorly clocked time of almost 20 mins to cover just 1.6km…yikes! AND the fact that I hate to jog!) There were a few health freaks at the fitness station so I was not the only crazy one to this in the middle of the night.

There ARE things that I CANNOT change no matter how much I want to so Instead of wishing for the impossibe, I should focus on what I CAN change and make better. I NEED TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT.

For all my loved ones (AND THAT INCLUDES THAT ONE IN THE ‘MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE’), the rise of the almost dead being amongst the ashes would have been impossible without all of you…Love you all…Gomenasai and thank you for always believing…And of all these beloved people that had been tortured by my erratic behaviour the past few weeks, I guess the one in the jungle got the bulk of it…for which I am so sorry for, sayang…whatever happens all I have to do is remember our beginning in Hobart and EVERYTHING that we had gone through together to put a smile and the faith back on…Thank you for ‘always being by my side’  all these times and not giving up when I had faltered and almost thrown it all away in my states of craziness, irrationality, brattiness and bitchiness. You never cease to amaze me with your ‘never say die’ attitude because you are one of the very few people that can actually cater to my impossible behaviour calmly and patiently without running away in fear…heh…

That is one of the valuable things that I have learned…Injecting back the fighting spirit with renewed promise and passion to not give up and stare adversity in the face.

Ending this piece with a quote by one of the ministers in Singapore, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan,

"LIKE EVERYTHING THAT WE DO IN SINGAPORE, WE DO IT WELL AND WE DO IT TO WIN."